Girl

Something happened for the first time ever today,
I was in one of my moods,
from everything that happened,
and I told my girl that maybe I should stop talking,
she asked why not quite knowing me that well yet,
I told her about my moods,
and that I was afraid that I was going to be mean to her,
she simply said,
"well then I wont take it like that :) I want to keep talking to you"
it lightened my entire mood,
and after that I wasn't even short with her,
I think I finally found someone who's really good for me...

The love i lost

I hate it,
she may have seen it as a childish obsession,
but for me it really was love,
that feeling she's having right now,
willing to wait for someone forever,
yeah that was me,
now she knows how i felt,
still feel,
the letters still hurt,
so do the poems,
and the songs,
i still can't listen to a lot of songs,
the little glass ball,
it slipped out of my hands today,
and got a dangerous crack,
something leaked out,
but i've contained it again,
i think,
i hope.

Wow ._.

Wow that was a big fuck you from karma,
finally decided to eat something,
the only thing that sounded good,
bowl of cereal,
made a big one,
guess what,
took a bite and it tasted weird,
thought it might be the spoon,
or stale cereal,
nope,
spoiled milk,
my stomach is gurgling now.
(all this happened right as a song about binging and purging came on)

Not Safe...

I'm sore,
very sore,
from a softball game,
I don't even feel like I did much,
but my whole body is sore...
I feel like i'm out of shape,
this is dangerous...
food is trying to come back up again...
i feel like i look fat again...
i'm wearing medium leggings...
i don't want to tell anyone,
It will make the problem too real...
I think i'm going to go do abs then take a shower and stretch...
I don't want to backslide.

Growing Up

I know you spend a lot of time growing up,
and that we never listen to our parents when they say,
"you'll realize we are right when you get older"
now I find myself in their place,
not as a parent,
but telling someone,
I know you don't think like this now,
but it will change,
you'll realize things later,
i'm not sure what I was trying to say with this blog,
I slept all day,
and now i'm giving advice to a 23 year old about coming out,
this growing up bullshit is confusing,
even with moving out,
i realized i had so much more to learn,
and got taught some hard lessons right off the bat,
and now i'm watching people in my life learn those lessons,
or hoping they'll figure their shit out,
i'm not enjoying this waiting game,
and after what happened with sailor and polar,
i'm afraid of what's going to happen.